Resharing here ‘coz I had a friend ask me about the difference between coach, counselor, psychologist, and therapist again today. Since this wasn’t the first time this same person asked me, I realised it must be just as confusing for many people as it was for me many years ago:

• Coach – Focuses on supporting someone to break down their goals into small attainable steps. Yet just because someone has coaching skills doesn’t mean they have specific subject matter knowledge e.g. fitness, health, sex (additional training required). Coaching is not regulated in Singapore (and often beyond). Anybody can call themselves a coach even if they’ve had no training whatsoever! ICF (International Coach Federation) is a well-recognised accreditation body – and I also have ICF ACC status. I used to call myself a Sex Coach before I got my Masters in Counseling.
• Counselor – They support clients to identify emotions as a guide to what clients should do for themselves moving forward. They usually possess Masters in counseling. I have a Masters in Counseling and I sometimes call myself a Sex Counselor to keep things simple for some clients.
• Psychologist – Usually have a Masters in Psychology. Very much focused on how or why people think a certain way regardless of what approach they use. Sex therapists usually have a Masters in Psychologist AND a certificate in sex therapy (and I cannot and do not call myself a Sex Therapist but a Sexologist even though I have a cert in sex therapy).
• Therapist vs therapy – Anybody can say they are doing therapy (helping others) but nobody should call themselves a therapist if they don’t have the credentials e.g. sound therapy vs sound therapist. One should be suspicious if they claim they do this or that therapy yet not state clearly where they got their training from. Hence, I can say I do sex therapy, but I cannot say I am a sex therapist (again I repeat: I do not have a psychology degree).

Over the years, the media have understandably repeatedly and mistakenly called me and other less accredited people in Singapore sex therapists when we are not. This mislabeling is irrelevant to man-on-the-street and makes no difference to them, but we, the practitioners ourselves, who know should know and do better.

At the end of the day, it’s less what one practitioner calls themselves (job title) but rather the importance of looking into the training they have had as an indicator of whether they have any knowledge or creditability in what they are doing or saying.

I said this to my friend: “Popular therapists aren’t necessarily qualified, and these popular therapists aren’t necessarily bad either.”

With all that said, it is just the START of assessing whether one practitioner is suitable for you. Besides qualifications, there are other things to consider: duration of practice, specialisation, continuing education, supervision, affiliation with governing body (and adherence to their code of ethics), testimonials, empathy, fee, availability, location, values, modalities, etc.

On that note, I had a certain person repeatedly question whether I “deserve respect” just because I have four degrees on my TikTok account. I’ve often found that it is people without qualifications or any degree of their own who are especially antagonistic towards those who do.

I think ALL people deserve respect, and ALL people who went into considerable effort to get training deserve respect. As a woman on social media getting flaked for daring to talk openly about sex much less claim to specialise in sex and sexuality, when I ask for respect… I’m asking for it as a professional who does this for a living.

I’m not using my four degrees over you (not a better human than you), but do give me some benefit of doubt that I am speaking in my professional capacity (subject matter knowledge) and seek to understand what I’m talking about before attacking me. I welcome questions and discussions, but I don’t deserve rudeness, abuse, or attacks – and do block people without further explanations (and have unwittingly blocked even colleagues in the past because I am extremely conflict-averse).

You can read what you like, follow who you resonate with, and believe what you want… while my only intention is to contribute some value to my followers.

Check out my credentials here. If you have relationship and sexuality concerns, do contact me here.

Written: 7 December 2022

About Dr. Martha Tara Lee