Beyond Vanilla: A Beginner’s Guide to Kink, BDSM, and Fetish

Posted On: November 25, 2024

Kink, BDSM, and fetish are all terms used to describe sexual practices that deviate from what is considered “vanilla” or mainstream. Here are some definitions and analogies to help you better understand these concepts:
  1. Kink: Kink refers to any sexual activity that falls outside of what is considered “normal” or “traditional.” This can include anything from role-playing to bondage to foot worship. Think of kink like a spice – it adds flavor and excitement to your sex life, but too much can be overwhelming.
  2. BDSM: BDSM stands for bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism. It involves consensual power exchange between partners, with one person taking on a dominant role and the other taking on a submissive role. BDSM can be compared to a dance – both partners need to be in sync and communicate clearly in order for it to be enjoyable.
  3. Fetish: A fetish is a specific object or body part that someone finds sexually arousing. This can include anything from feet to leather to balloons. Fetishes are like a favorite food – they may seem strange or unappetizing to some, but they bring pleasure and satisfaction to those who enjoy them.
Other terms related to kink, BDSM, and fetish include:
  1. Polyamory: Polyamory involves having multiple romantic or sexual partners at the same time, with the knowledge and consent of all parties involved. Polyamory can be compared to a buffet – there are many options to choose from, but you need to be mindful of what you’re putting on your plate.
  2. Swinging: Swinging involves couples exchanging partners for sexual activities. Swinging can be compared to a potluck – everyone brings something different to the table, but you need to make sure everyone is on the same page about what’s being served.
  3. Shibari: Shibari is a Japanese form of rope bondage that involves intricate patterns and knots to create visually stunning designs on the body. Shibari can be compared to creating a work of art – the ropes are like paintbrushes, and the body is the canvas.
  4. Electroplay: Electroplay involves using electrical stimulation to create sensations on the body, such as with a TENS unit or violet wand. Electroplay can be compared to playing an instrument – the electrical current is like the strings of a guitar, and the body is the instrument being played.
  5. Exhibitionism: Exhibitionism involves getting sexual pleasure from exposing oneself in public or in front of others. Exhibitionism can be compared to being on stage – the exhibitionist is like a performer, seeking validation and arousal from an audience.
  6. Sensory deprivation: Sensory deprivation involves limiting or removing one or more senses, such as blindfolding or earplugs, to enhance other sensations. Sensory deprivation can be compared to meditation – by removing distractions, you can focus more deeply on your own thoughts and feelings.
  7. Age play: Age play involves role-playing as a different age than your actual age, such as a caregiver and a baby or a teacher and a student. Age play can be compared to acting in a play – you take on a different persona and act out a scenario.
  8. Pet play: Pet play involves role-playing as an animal, such as a puppy or kitten, and engaging in activities such as being walked on a leash or eating from a bowl. Pet play can be compared to playing make-believe – you imagine yourself as something else and act accordingly.
  9. Impact play: Impact play involves using physical force to create sensations on the body, such as spanking or flogging. Impact play can be compared to playing a musical instrument – it takes skill and practice to create the desired sensations.
  10. Edgeplay: Edgeplay refers to BDSM activities that are considered more extreme or dangerous, such as knife play or breath play. Edgeplay can be compared to extreme sports – there is a higher risk involved, but for some people, the thrill is worth it.
If you’re interested in exploring kink, BDSM, or fetish, it’s important to do so in a safe and consensual way. This may involve setting boundaries, using safe words, and communicating openly with your partner(s). As a sexologist, I can provide guidance and support as you navigate these practices.
If you’re looking to hire a sexologist to help you explore kink, BDSM, or fetish, I’m here to help. With my expertise and non-judgmental approach, I can provide you with the tools and knowledge you need to have a fulfilling and enjoyable sexual experience. Contact me today to learn more!

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